Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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