I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
