Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize