She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
