True but thats because hes a fetus.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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