sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
