i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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