There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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