Pappa wants mamma naked
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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