the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
