We won't sleep together?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Randomize
