The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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