Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
even my farts smell like vagina
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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