People with herpes should wear stickers.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
