my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize