So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
