I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Be still, my beating vagina.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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