highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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