im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
