just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
