I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize