Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
