Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
