im six kinds of drunk right now
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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