U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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