I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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