Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
