new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
