You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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