Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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