I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize