I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
