Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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