then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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