Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
