So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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