she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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