Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
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My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
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FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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