i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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