We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sobbing to NWA
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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