You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
