Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
well I can't set my house on fire every night
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
