there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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