How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
