Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
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I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize