lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
