____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
