I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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