now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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