Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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