there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
