At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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