i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
