Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
