Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
