There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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