You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
