I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
