Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
