Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Randomize
