Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
someone owes me an orgasm
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
