D3 body, D1 cock
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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