I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
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I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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