By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
