I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize