I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
