there's paper in my vomit.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
