True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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