Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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