I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
