she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
